Tranny Daytrip: Stone Barns

With a tickle of spring in the air, we are itching to break the weekend routine: afternoon movies and lengthy indoor boozy-brunches. Though, without a car, day-tripping is not always easy. Stone Barns, a short Metro-North ride away, is a perfect Sunday afternoon excursion. Stone Barns offers a variety of activities including a winter farm market, touring the gardens and grounds and the gourmand's Blue Hill Cafe. Go up with friends or take your new spring beau- a great inexpensive lit-eral breath of fresh air. For those who don't want to drop the price of a new pair of TF's on dinner at Blue Hill, take advantage of the winter root vegetables and meats and prepare a Sunday feast back in the Burg.

http://www.stonebarnscenter.org/

Tranny Treks : Palm Beach, Florida

For a century, the town of Palm Beach has been the winter refuge for the rich and fabulous. The island-enclave, and ritzy communities that sprung up around it, play host to a perma-tan leisure class for whom everyday is a cocktail party. Like every seaside paradise, Palm Beach attracts plenty of sharks and pirates. Because of this, much of what PB has to offer goes on behind manicured hedges. Parties, the ones at private homes, aboard yachts, in the shops and galleries along Worth Ave. are key. They occur nightly during the season which begins at Thanksgiving and is over each Easter. The rule for visiting Palm Beach is to have an introduction, bring your blazer and wear a smile.

Let's measure how things in Palm Beach compare to those in Williamsburg:

Saturday Evening Festivities:
11211 - Recovering from Friday's happy hour - turn dinner - turn Boiler Room expedition - turn trick-fest, arrange a Saturday night dinner at your place for six via text and Twitter. By the time a meal fit for Martha, with modifications for vegetarians and glutards, hits the table, it's 10pm and everyone is drunk on red and Grinding away on their iPhones. Forget dinner, drink more, trunk show, car service, on the dancefloor at Sugarland by 1 and in a car home with a tickity-tack trick by 2:30.

33480 - After an afternoon perusing the sales at Saks while avoiding cruisy eye contact from the sales associates, pop home for a workout, shower and cocktail with the fam (yours or your host's) before heading out in uniform (blue blazer, khakis or crisp jeans and loafers) for a night of party hopping. Begin at Ralph Lauren, vodka soda, Shiny Sheet photo, vodka soda, gift bag, door. Motor over to Jungle Road for exotic animal charity event. Pay respect to aging gay establishment, endure ass grabbing with a smile, vodka soda, vodka soda, vodka soda, dinner plans, New York Social Diary photo, door. Table for eight on the patio at McCarty's. Facelifted and belligerent aging gay who's picking up the tab declares "I will not sit in a parking lot!" Relocate indoors. Vodka, vodka, chicken, vodka. Hit the Lounge, survey the fresh meat, remain polite to the old. Wake up at 10 AM, Sunday not quite sure how you got home.

Libation of choice:
11211 - Bloodies at brunch, Pinot Gris for the afternoon, reds at dinner, vodka to maintain

33480 - Bull shot for breakfast, champagne at lunch, manhattan before dinner, vodka to maintain

Tracks on the Dancefloor:
11211 - Kid Kudi, Discovery, Cassius, Lady Gaga remixes, "Meet Me Halfway", Black Eyed Peas

33480 - Ke$sha, Rihanna, Madonna, whatever Daisy Deadpetals brings up from Miami

Crowd:
11211 - An ever-growing influx of boys from far-flung places (Jersey, The Bronx, HK and WV) makes going out in the 'burg more diverse. You're as likely to meet your banker-husband on the stage at Sugar as you are your next disposable trick.

33480 - The men of Palm Beach are a polarized set. Fresh out-of-high school boys and guys visiting home from Princeton, Duke and Penn sip vodka sodas alongside late-in-life homo converts two generations older. Most of the guys in Palm Beach are under 30 or over 60: waiting to begin their careers or having already completed them with much success.

But, the most notable difference . . .
Despite its exclusively WASPy origin, Palm Beach has morphed into an increasingly open society. Still a conservative place and staunchly Republican, there is much socioeconomic co-mingling in the PB. Some of the biggest events of the social season are hosted by GPCs at which WAMRs and millionaires do not self-segregate but party together, and, in many cases, are the very best of friends. For all its supposed exclusivity, Palm Beach is a place that requires only a good pair of shoes and good attitude to enjoy.


(clockwise from top: "Dad, can I take the car?", vintage English cars are PB's answer to the family beater; vintage Versace on a vintage gent; in PB, even the drag queens worship Lilly; PB schoolmates Nathan Galui and Jessica Stevenson. Galui's shop, Mesh, in downtown West Palm will carry Stevenson's Dear Georgette jewelry.)

Tranny Treks : Miami Beach, White Party Weekend

Care Resource's White Party has drawn homos from around the globe to Miami Beach each Thanksgiving weekend for 25 years. What began in 1985 as a fundraiser at Vizcaya, a 16th century Italian Renaissance-styled winter home built in the Gilded Age, has turned into a week-long circuit party occupying much of Miami-Dade. The party at Vizcaya alone has raised $10 million to help those with HIV/AIDS.

With its uniform of skimpy bathing suits, gym-built bods and flashy fashion, Miami is pretty gay year round. But during White Party weekend, it just gets gayier. White Party weekend is a muscle queen scene dominated by guys born in the late-60s and early 70s. It's a deep pocket, Power Gay crowd assembled for a good time with or away from their life partners. The requisite Whittall & Shon tank tops paired with 24-hour drinking and "partying" makes for a loosey-goosey atmosphere of butt-grabbing and heavy flirtation up and down Collins Ave.
The central piece of the weekend, The White Party itself, is a much more staid affair. With an all-white dress code, 6:30pm start-time and tickets beginning at $150, the event is more fundraiser than tina-rave. Guests arrive by chauffeured car or party bus at the long, lushly landscaped drive of the Vizcaya property. The entry process is along the lines of the US Open: general admission, VIP, tickets taken, wristbands dispensed and off the trannies go. Once inside, guests are greeted by the event committee and invited to enjoy the evening at Vizcaya. Amusements include a 200 foot buffet of food from the area's top restaurants, a charity casino, drag performances, live celebrity DJ and stunning views of the 1910 mansion, elaborate gardens and Biscayne Bay. Like a Miami winter, the evening is short: the crowd of 500 plus begins thinning out by 10 with the last guest departing to one of the many after parties by 11:30.

Tranny Treks : The Definitive Holiday Travel Guide

This week marks the beginning of the Holiday /Resort2009-10 season. Whether it's Thanksgiving back home with the fam, a "girls" ski weekend in Telluride, a short Cesna ride to the new bf's family compound in Palm Beach or New Years Eve in Rio de Janeiro, TTT has some must-follow tips that will keep make your holiday travel experience as smooth Grade-A cashmere.

Prepping (no, not your high school)
Boy Scout, Camp Fire Girl or Brownie, those who rough it have one motto in common: Be Prepared. This isn't the '60s and you're not boarding Pam Am to Hawaii: no matter how much you spend on air fare, being a traveling tranny in a post 9-11 world is arduous. Do some leg work before you depart to ensure fabulous travel.

• Make your travel plans as early as possible. It's economical and will ensure you get the best seat on the best flight for your busy schedule. If you aren't flying commercial and hope to charter or tag along on a friend's PP act super-early browsing rates and dropping blatant hints : "So Mustique for Thanksgiving? How fab! I hear Prince William will be back with Kate Middleton for New Years. I can introduce!"

• Pack wisely. Consider your destination: find out from friends, family and local publications what exactly your wardrobe should include. Who needs a full suit when a blue blazer will do? Are shorts OK or will that relegate you to tourist status? The tranny with deep pockets or an extensive line of credit should pack a collapsible bag to fill with new purchases for the return flight.
  

• Bring a gift. If you are visiting friends, friends' parents or the boyfriend's mom and dad you ought not come empty handed. Lovely soaps, a quality scented candle or bottle of scotch goes a long way. A new TTT fav find for hostess gifts is the Armani Dolci bar inside the Armani flagship store on 5th Ave. A selection of world-class chocolates are available in super-sleek packaging for just over $30: a fitting gift from the big city house guest.
  

• Dress the part. We all bemoan the disgusting exhibition of humanity that air travel has become. We long for the days of glamorous stewardesses, well-crafted in-flight martinis and unlimited carry-ons. It's clear the major carriers have no plan to bring civility back so it falls upon us trannies. While a Juicy Couture velor track suit is, allegedly, comfy, opt for travel clothes more befitting of your journey. Dress to arrive at your destination looking editorial not down market. Remember, mink is universal.
  

At the Airport

• The only airport for domestic departures is La Guardia. It's 20 to 30 minutes by car from any point in Williamsburg and the fare, from Northside or Metroline when paying cash, is just $25. Using any other port for a U.S. flight is nonsensical.

• Utilize the sky captains outside the airport. For the cost of a tip, they will check you in quickly - no lines no waiting - and are are generally more pleasant to deal with than the alternative. Sky captains are especially helpful if your bag is overweight since they rarely pay attention to the scale, saving you silly fees. If you are a frequent flyer, be sure to ingratiate yourself to those guys: they're less harried by amateur travelers and have the same access to upgrade information as the desk clerks.

• When choosing a security line and traveling coach (it happens to the best of us), select the one closest to the first class zone. There is a chance you will be pulled into that line and be screened by TSA workers accustomed to handling a better class of folks (Todds v.s. Tevas, Tumi v.s. Travelpro, you get the idea).

Boarding, Inflight and Arrival

• Always use perks. If you have access to better airport service, use it. Do what you can to get into the Crown Room Club or any frequent flyer lounge. Impersonate a friend, drop a parent's name, sleep with a sky captain or sneak in behind someone with a card, just get in there, act like you belong and all will be well. Inside enjoy free drinks, web access and so-so snacks. It's also the best preview of the who's-who of your flight.
  

• Stay seated. Any tranny worth her salt does not wait in line. This goes for Delta Gate 5 just as much as it does for The GLAAD 100 party. Who wants to sit and watch Nancy from Nashville cram her Canal Street finds into the overhead bin for 20 minutes? Worse yet, who wants to pay for first class just to watch the great unwashed shamble by on their way to coach. No matter your zone number, stay seated until the desk calls for final boarding, then rise and proceed to the breezeway, making your aeronautic entrance.

• Own your flight. You don't know these people so make your time your own. Bring an eye mask for a rejuvenating nap at any hour, or a Dead Sea masque to freshen up your look. If you've got work to do, or opinions to blog, log on to GoGo Inflight Internet to connect to the Web. (This post is being written at 30,000 feet, kid you not.). Once you're rested, your skin is flawless and work is done, it's time to werq the cabin. "Is that Lauren Santo Domingo in first class to Colombia with the S/S10 Lanvin train case on her lap?" Scan the aisles for possible GPC partners, too. Many a love affair has begun when the seat belt signs are turned off.

• Be nice to the flight crew. You are trapped inside a steel missile piloted by a (probably) drunk captain hurling into oblivion at 450 miles per hour, do you really want to piss off the chick who knows how to inflate the life rafts in the event of a water landing? In lieu of tips, be ready with your order, charge card in hand, say please and thank you.
  

• Stay seated, again. Even after the plane has taxied to the gate and come to a full and complete stop, stay put. You have a solid 10-15 minutes of people digging for their things in overhead compartments and parents tending to cranky kids. You're best bet is to remain seated until the cabin is nearly empty and make a graceful exit.
  

Baggage and the Meet-and-Greet

• Since you stayed patiently in your seat until all other passengers have exited, you will arrive at the luggage carousel just as your bags are coming off the plane. Remain calm and orderly, this isn't Eastern Europe. Hang back from the crowd until you see your bag then approach the carousel, lift and depart : four easy steps.

• Before meeting friends, family or parents, be sure to chew some gum or have a mint to disguise the 5 gimlets you downed between La Guardia and your final destination. No matter how you feel about seeing them, slap on a smile: it's the holidays, you're out of the city and the worst is behind you!
  

Tranny Treks: Washington D.C.

Washington, D.C. : the seat of power of the free world and home to many, many posh and polished M4M politicos. It's a district of marble Hellenic-revival buildings, serious socializing and secret homo-rendezvouses. DADT and DOMA are up for repeal but the city of Obama is no freewheeling Bohemia. This is a town where fun runs rampant, but buttoned-up and behind closed doors.

Lets inspect how things compare in D.C. to our own home, Williamsburg:

Saturday evening festivities:
11211 - Picking up a few things at Marc Jacobs in the Village turns into afternoon drinks at the Cubby Hole. Get home in time for the sun to set-- drag your friends to the roofdeck with sweaters and Mexican coffees. Power nap and then back to the city for dinner at a corp. friends place in HK. The singles end up at Posh for what ends up being a great night of fun and dancing-- only regret: trying to find the C train on Sunday morning...

20001 - Mexican Tapas and margaritas in Chinatown for early evening followed by a stroll past the White House followed by Ga medley and cocktails with friends to get us bumping into the night. Drinks at Halo, then off the JR's. Glee videos and cheap vodka-sodas. Town which is packed with spottings of whatever celeb might be in the city and many many closeted congressional pages. Cobalt stop off a little younger mix when Town gets too daddy.

Libation of choice:
11211- Screwdrivers by day. Dry riesling at dinner, and V-S by night.

20001- Vodka. Redbull. Soda. Peroni.

Tracks on the dance floor:
11211- Kylie, Justin, Lady-G, Beyonce.

20001- Whitney galore, and plenty of Miley.

Crowd:
11211 - American Apparel v-necks, caps, cardigans. Average age -- 29

20001 - Bootcut jeans, button-downs, popped-collars and sporty ts. Average age-- 35

But, the most notable difference.........

20001 - WAMR free (well, almost) some of these boys may be serving you a caprese salad, but chances are they have a masters degree in biochem or an MBA from Georgetown. Homogeneous? yes. Bootcut everything? yes. But chances are you will at least go home with someone who has spent more time in a library than working as a hotel receptionist.

Tranny Treks: BARCELONA

Sexy Barcelona... its beautiful grand boulevards, shadowed by balcony lined residences. Wines bars, beaches, sunsets to die for and the men: lean, tan skin with curly locks and piercing eyes. Now hailed as the gay mecca of Europe, the city is ripe with homobars, clubs and even gay hotels, not to mention bursting with design stores and Gaudian architecture.

Now lets see how things compare in BCN to our own little burg:


Saturday evening festivities:
11211- A casual drink with the girls from work in midtown; then home to shower and get out the cheeses vino for apps with you new fall beau and co. by 9:00, you all get to talking about how to redo the living room and decide to order in rather than make a spectacle of dinner. With some talking-into, you head into the city around 11:00 to meet up with some of your straight friends in the east village then heading to boiler for a "nightcap", ah..... reminiscing the summer nights already...

BCN - It's 6:30: beach-time sun had lasted longer than you thought, the oceanside libations kept everything lively. Head back the the apartment for a cocktail and take a nice nap on the terrace. Wake up around 9:00 feeling groggy-- nothing Karl cant help with. Get ready for the evening, friends arrive around 10:30 for drinks before heading out of dinner. Tapas are best for evening-- not too filling, finish dinner around 1 and head to the "Gayxaimple" for drinks with the boys. Stop by a friends for a brief trunk show before heading to Metro disco-- make it there by 4:00 just as it starts getting busy. By 6:00, its choose your own adventure....

Libation of choice:
11211- Oregon pinot noirs and Austrian grunerveltliners at home and the typical $16 cocktail with your straights in the city.

BCN- Dry Spanish whites at dinner. Cuban rum and plenty cold vodka.

Tracks on the dance floor:
11211- Chet baker, Ella, Mr. Davis and God-- a tranny cant help but play a little Ga to get out of the house...

BCN- A.R. Rahman, Ga, Euro-Circuit music

Crowd:
11211 - The more recent trannies that you bonded with on FIP over the summer and their respective interests. Later on, your JAP-y work friends and their various platonic straight-guy counterparts.

BCN - Everyone is a designer of sorts: graphic, interior, clothing..... name your poison. A few boys from Amsterdam that you remember from a few years back.

But, the most notable difference.........
BCN - Not to sound overly enthused but..... hot hot hot. Spanish men and their various Latin American congregants live in the sexiest city in the world; it has that reputation for a reason. Sexuality is very open, very straight forward; something definitely lacking in this part of the world.

Tranny Treks: BALTIMORE

Ah Baltimore. Founded as a seaport town in 1729, this tranny enclave has been a hub for homo-delights since Washington trolled the docks for sailor-ass 250 years ago. Baltimore was the site of Revolutionary battles, Civil War skirmishes and a devastating great fire. It's also the salty spot that gave us John Waters, Divine, beehives and most of what Generation-Y Trannies identify as high camp. D.C.'s not-right stepsister, Baltimore is basically a B52s video come to life.


Below are brief observations observations of how B'more stacks up to Williamsburg:

Saturday evening festivities:
11211- Your boyfriend has friends in from out of town. Drinks, 8pm, at Hotel Delmano. Dinner, 9 pm, at Fiore. Home for after-dinner drinks, Lady Gaga remixes and a brief trunk show before retiring.

21224 - Afternoon drinks for 6 at a your Inner Harbor condo or Mt. Vernon townhouse. Dinner at 7pm at City Cafe. A shit-faced stumbled across the street to Grand Central for vodka, beer and cruising around 10:30pm. An Amy Winehouse amble across the other street to Club Hippo for last year's remixes and ex-boyfriend drama till 2AM.

Libation of choice:
11211- Something off Hotel Delmano's signature menu or a manhattan straight up. Wine at Fiore. Vodka soda at the trunk show.

21224- Two paths: vodka from happy hour to last call or beer all night long.

Tracks on the dance floor:
11211- Keep it cool, what's the name of this club? I don't remember but it's alright, a-alright, Just Dance . . . I’m gonna party, yeah, Cause anybody just won’t do, Let’s get this started, yeah Cause everybody wants to party with you . . .

21224- Pink remixes, Rihanna "Shut-up and Drive" club-dub, Journey remixes

Crowd:
11211 - You, your banker/lawyer/med school boyfriend, his married friends from college, both PhD students.

21224 - You, your lawyer/Reator®/nurse boyfriend, a Starbucks barista, his dentist-boyfriend, a Home Depot dyke and a community college drama major

But, the most notable difference.........
21224 - COMMUNITY UNITY! Gays in the 21224 are all part of one big LGBT pie. Nellies are friends with dykes, WAMRs (which abound) date guys with 401ks, Porsches share parking lots with F-150s and trannies dance with Emo girls.

Spotted @ Labor Day in the Fire Island Pines

Every tranny in the five boroughs knows there's nothing more quintessentially summer than a weekend in the Fire Island Pines (FIP). Of course, there are other strictly-summer necessities: the Sunday barbecue at Metropolitan, American Apparel deep-v-necks paired with short-shorts and afternoons spent cruising McCarren Park with prosecco nestled in your tranny-tote; but nothing proves you're committed to a season of tickity-tac like going in on a share in the FIP. Eying who's going to be out this weekend while waiting for the ferry, getting too wasted at the teas (low, middle and high), losing your best denim at the underwear party clothes-check and laughing at the saggy ball sacks creeping about the meat rack: these are all things that only those in the FIP-brotherhood can understand.

On this the first true Monday of Fall 2009, TTT looks back on the last weekend of summer: Labor Day in the Fire Island Pines.

In the FIP, beach time is best for day. It's all about hours spent sweating out last night's vodka and checking out who's hottest for night.

Never under estimate the pool scene. When you've got beef in the house, why go out for chicken?

...or monkey business?



Of course day-parties are best for pre-tea.

The Gold Party tore it up on Saturday:


White Diamonds shut it down for Sunday:






"These have always brought me luck..."




And of the three teas, Middle was best for Summer 2009, don't you think?


FIP 2009 was all about fun, sun, fashion and romance. Love took over, I could see your halo and the trannies just danced. It wouldn't be The Fire Island Pines without a few sightings. Spotted . . . a Speedo-clad AJ Ojeda-Pons with Gino Chmo . . . Michael Benevento and man's best friend Maya . . . must-read blogger Zee Bdr and his clickity-clack camera . . . Franco DiLuzio . . . accessory lady, Ryan Jacobs . . . ivy, Justin Carroll . . . the ever-present, ever-charming Matt Maddox . . . Project Runway's, Jack Mackenroth . . . low-Tea tranny Eddie Martinez . . . boyfriends David Leal and Eric Patz bringing the muscle . . . George Poulios . . . Medo Soliman and Nader Dajani representing the hot Arab population . . .

Trannies, Summer 2009 has come and gone, but the memories will live on forever. See you in the city...

Tranny Treks: ROCHESTER

Summer transplants can be found anywhere there is a shoreline and alcohol en masse. There are, however, a few other places to trek to. This Tranny Trek found a group of Trannies in Rochester, NY.

Rochester, home to the garbage plate, Kodak and hair gel, sits snuggly beside Lake Ontario.

Brief observations provided by zip code below:

Saturday evening festivities:
11211- Cozy dinner with two to three trannies followed by cocktails on your roof. A quick shower and change, and then you're off to the LES or EV for your weekend bar crawl - ultimately ending up at the Mothership.

14604- Grilled dinner with your fellow tranny's family, accompanied by a few magnums of white wine. A quick shower and a few vodka cranberries later, you head out in your Ford Focus to your ultimate destination, the Black Party at Tilt.

Libation of choice:
11211- Nice glass of red at dinner followed by a few vodka-sodas on the roof.

14604- Labbatt Blue Light

Tracks on the dance floor:
11211- Sugarland's own mix of everything pop and indie

14604- Christina Aguilera (circa 2001), Alanis Morissette remixes and 2007's Billboard Top 40

After Party:
11211- Random tranny you share a cab home with, romp with your newest trick, trunk show at your fellow tranny's apartment, etc.

14604- Last call is at 2:00 a.m. - clutch your pearls! The boys are prude, so don't expect to go home with a random tranny on the regular. The Rock is a sprawled out suburban oasis, so boys spend more time worrying about how they are getting back to their Mom's house than who they are going home with. Most after-parties consist of scarfing down a garbage plate and hopping in your fag-hags Chevy Malibu to get home to the 'burbs.

But, the most notable difference.........

The Wardrobe:
14604- Puka Shell necklaces and baggy jeans. I die! Boys in Ro-cha-cha are still rocking white sneaks, bootcut AE jeans and logo-emblazed tees.

God help them.

Transville Weekend

Whether you are headed to low tea with your gaggle of gays or hobnobbing with your boss' decorator in East Hampton- Trannies, have a great last weekend of Summer '09!!!

Tranny Treks: REHOBOTH BEACH

We are all mostly familiar with the popular summer tranny get-a-way destinations. Both Fire Island and P-Town each present their own tranny versions the usual blend of Chelsea fags and 11211ers - Summer transplants, if you will.













This past weekend, in the height of the summer heat, a few of us made our way to an unexpected homo-oasis hours closer than P-Town.

Rehoboth Beach, DE, also known as "Rehomo," turned out to be a breath of fresh hipsterless air. These boys are the old-fashioned gay.

Brief observations provided by zip code below:

Saturday evening costume:
11211- Faded black skinnies/cut-shorties (check last week's Binge and Purge), boat shoes, and an obnoxiously low-cut tank - accessorized with a graphic tote/fake ray-bans.

19971- College t-shirt/abercromie polo, cargo shorts, flip-flops - best accessory for evening: tan (fake of real) and Aqua di Gio eau de toilette.

Libation of choice:
11211- Miller High Life (note: the high necked bottle prevents spillage on the dance floor) and a 20 bag

19971- Rum and diet

Tracks on the dance floor:
11211- Any/everything Ga

19971- Old school Whitney/trance remixes from 2004

After Party:

11211- (a) pizza on Beford, (b) gypsy cab to Bushwick with your trick or (c) desperately trying to stay wake for a response to you 4am Craigslist posting

19971- seeing as how last call is at 1am(!), the evening should just be getting started. Popular destinations seemed to be (a) late night hookup on the beach (beware of police who patrol with flashlights), (b) [this will take further investigation]

But, the most noticable difference.........

19971- far fewer WAMRs