Saturday, January 30, 2010

Best for Day : When to pull the MTA Emergency Break

Bureaucrat is often verbose and byzantine in construction, it's best when someone steps in to clear things up.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Don't Call it a Backlash

"For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction." While Guys I Blocked on Grindr doesn't quite exemplify Newton's third law of motion, a blog dedicated to some of the doozies Grinding away on the iPhone's popular M4M sex app was inevitable. Like People of Walmart, GIBOG pokes fun at a subsegment of a subsegment of society, in this case, guys cruising for cock the high tech way. Beware trannies of Brooklyn, we doubt this was the kind of poking you were looking for when you downloaded this app.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Best for Day 31

The one good thing shows like American Idol have given the gays - besides Kelly Clarkson - is a resurgence in amateur music. Nowadays it's OK to fag out over your favorite pop song and post it on Youtube. Case in point, these tweens who spent 42 long hours making a tribute to Gaga's "Bad Romance". So what if it sounds like a Blue Mountain virtual greeting card from the '90s, these boys are adorbs and from the looks of it, they will grow up to be very, very . . . "popular".

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Binge 2: Gentlemanly Manners

Time and time again, we at TTT see trannies pushing girls out of the way to catch the train, let doors go unopened, even take the booth seat at you favorite cozy two-top. As gay men, we owe the same courtesies to women as straight men (which are frequently ignored by them as well). In fact, it is often the heteros who look to us, setting the example. Give her the single seat on the subway, open her cab door and let her in first, wait for her to be seated at the dinner table and stand when she gets up powder her nose. Obviously, in large group settings, this is not always appropriate but ake it is from us, with all of your tranny drama, you at least owe it to her to feel like a true lady.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Purge 2 : Shit Lists

Picture it: Saturday night at The Mothership, you're mid-sip on a vodka soda whilst in the early stages of courting that evening's sleep and scram when some livid queen appears and scream/slurs in your flawless face, "YOU'RE ON MY SHIT LIST." It happens all too often, a minor social blunder gets blown out of proportion by an overly sensitive homo resulting in a prissy bitch fit in a public place. Trannies need to reign it in and keep it real: if a dude blows you off, stands you up or forgets your name return the favor in kind. Walking around with a running tally of who's wronged you is no way to live. Forget the offense and forget that the dude exists -- or in the very least keep it to yourself, bitterness is never sexy.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Must See : Jeffery and Cole Casserole

TTT has rediscovered Williamsburg boys' Jeffery Self and Cole Escola's show "Jeffery and Cole Casserole". The weekly Logo show is totally deadpan, totally non-sequitur, totally low budget and totally hilarious. You may recognize Jeffery from last week's "30 Rock" on which he played Liz Lemon's newly out of the closet cousin having big gay adventures in Manhattan. More amazing than that, he writes "Designing Women" fan fiction on his blog . Cole literally takes it there in every role and is a comedy genius. We suggest cozying up with your computer after lunch and enjoying the "Jeffery and Cole Casserole" shorts on YouTube.

Missed Connections 13

The Tranny Times believes in love. Whether it takes you to a Wainscot colonial with a white picket fence or to White Castle after the lights come up at The Mothership, we support men meeting men! As a public service, The Tranny Times trolls Craigslist Missed Connections looking for ads from the love lorn. Each week we collect the best.

We're going to go with Foxy on this one.
Ive seen you twice now on the train and I think you're straight, but meh, you never know. I saw you looking back towards me and my friend and we were trying to figure out who you were looking at. She is pretty foxy, so its anyone's guess. Or maybe you were just trying to figure out why we were looking at you. haha.

You're probably 5'10" to 6'. Reddish looking beard with reddish-brown hair. Orange shoes or orange and black runners. Anyhow, you always get off at Myrtle-Wykoff and maybe you should take it another stop one day. We could get off together. Zing! Oh yea, I am short, brown hair, beard, grey coat, few rings in my face and an all around rad guy.
A few rings in the face? You need to Wind your Neck :

Are you insulated?
We made out for ages at Sugarland on Saturday. Your name is Will (I think?) and you bought a Red Stripe and then said you would be right back (giving me the beer) but never came back. I waited for a few but it was late and I had to leave. E-mail me if you get this bc I think you're cute and would love to get together.
Because you sound like a beer coozie!

Everyone should have limits . . .
I alwasy see you at gym. You are about 40 muscular with a belly and glasses. We made a connection twice once in the bathroom where i say your cock which is at least 9 inches and thick and today i saw you outside while i was in my car playing with my phone. Let me know if you were read this? Love to get together.
you should establish a few in 2010 :

At least your clothes are fresh . . .
Hey there. We were both just picking up laundry. I was ringing up and you came in and got your clothes out of the dryer. I was on the phone,work call and couldn't get off but sorry I didn't. I was wearing a baseball hat. Wish I said hello. Let me know if you read this.
because the 'busy with work' excuse is stale :

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Tranny Vocab Lesson 12 : Wind Your Neck [In]

Attention, kiddies - it's time to put on your thinking caps because Tranny Vocab is about to resume. In this series, The Tranny Times explores the varied and wonderful lexicon of Williamsburg trannies. Today's lesson is Wind Your Neck [In].

Wind Your Neck [In] [wahynd yohr nek in] verb. what you should tell anyone to do if they: a) be all up in your Kool-Aid; b) are completely out of line on a topic and need to be wrecked with; or c) just look like someone who needs to pull it back a few steps before they get a vodka soda splashed in their grill.

Appropriate Uses:
While engaged in conversations with friends who are infamous for getting out of line; when you're waiting for drink at Boiler Room on Friday night and someone tries to step in front of you; when you're on the L in the morning and some bitch decides to have a full-on conversation with their friend in your ear (BEFORE you've had your morning latte).

Example of Usage: "Did you hear what Alice said about Lady Gaga? I mean....she needs to WIND HER NECK [in]."

Close Cousins:
Reign-it-in; Check yourself

Note: If you're feeling extra ghetto one day, can be led with 'Oh no you di-int'

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Shake Up in Fire Island

Blogs from Queerty to Gawker are buzzing with news of the major real estate shake up in Fire Island Pines. Details are few but what is confirmed is that Eric Von Kuersteiner and his partner Tony Roncalli have a deal to sell basically everything at the center of FIP (the Blue Whale, the Pavillion, the grocery store, restaurant, gym, the only hotel in the Pines and rights to the Ascension party) for a cool $18 mil. The buyer is 23 year-old, Seth Weissman -- yes, twenty three -- pictured above, center. No one is confirming details on Weissman but rumor has it he's from a wealthy (clearly) Long Island family and possibly a hedge funder. The TTT editorial board has a combined total of 25 friends in common with Weissman on Facebook so someone must know something. All we know is that FIP has a new most popular boy!

New details have emerged. The buyer is in fact Scott Jordan Weissman. He's either 23 or 26, has lived in a $1.1 mil apartment in Gramercy since April 2008, originally from Rye Brook. UPenn grad, works for Perry Capital (for this guy), Goldman alum, donor to the Victory Fund. If funding for this deal comes through -- and working for Richard Perry, we're sure it will -- meet the new boy-emperor of Fire Island.

Best For Day 30

Being locked in the dull drums of winter is no excuse for drab attire. Consider lightening up your cold weather wardrobe with a classic check. Best for both ladies and men, on shirts, blazers or even pants, check is a bold move in winter months.

Gaga Gives Back

As Gaga told Oprah last week, she is dedicated to helping those in need in earthquake affected Haiti. You too can go Gaga in support of the victims of this devastating event by purchasing a Lady Gaga Haiti Relief t-shirt. All proceeds go to helping out those in need. Do it for the kids, do it for Gaga.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Best for University

While we are accepting of all ivy alumnae and encourage their intermingling, TTT is unabashedly partial to one alma mater in the triumvirate. It is clear that the homos were behind the new Yale admissions video. Filled with song and dance-- this 16 minute "Glee"-esque cheese fest will clearly sway all the over-privileged, smart homos who weren't already planning to attend. Go Bulldogs! Woooooof. ;-)

Purge 1: Constant Facebook Status Uddates

Speaking your mind is good for the soul, but sister, find the proper platform. No one wants a play-by-play of your moods via Facebook when they are just logging on to verify the location of a cocktail party. If you're of the "caring is sharing" mindset and feel the need to get the word out of your every whim get a Twitter. The mini-blogging site is made for sharing succinct thoughts: Facebook is for socializing. And when you join Twitter, be sure to add TTT:

The Gen Y Hipster

(click to view)
Sociologists, marketers, pollsters and old folks are obsessed with us. We're an anomaly to the species; an entire generation of disaffected, distracted, entitled children in full grown bodies who are both envied and despised for our enduring ennui. Until recently, that was the prevailing wisdom on Gen Y but a new study is recharacterizing those of us who came of age in the aughts as movers, shakers, visionaries, uniters and, most importantly, doers. A new report by trend experts, Outlaw Consulting may change the way companies speak to it's sexiest demographic. Reframing Gen Y characteristics such as entitlement, making them potential positives, not negatives, shows a shift in perception of us cool kids:
“Millennials, or Gen Ys, are definitely different. They seem to feel more empowered – and more entitled– than any generation before them. They have an innate team orientation that makes them excellent collaborators. And the ideas about issues like marriage and career are radically different. Their “American dream” isn’t about the picket fence; it’s a flexible freelance career and a life defined by passion. … Gen Ys see themselves as change-makers. But they’re also busy trying to have a middle-class life, so their protests take different form than youth protests of the past. They see corporation’s as having lots of power but little heart, and they try to create change by using their dollars. The “aha” for corporations is to recognize that values and authenticity are important to this generation — and that directly affects how they spend. American Apparel, for example, has been totally embraced by youth because of its labor practices. Shopping there make them feel like they’re spending money in the right place. Companies that really “walk their talk” about core values will be endeared. If you want to be relevant to Gen Ys, you need to understand their mindset.”
Note, the second to last hipster is called "The Williamsburg". We're so 2000 and late.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Must See : Gaga on Oprah

Tune in chickens, Gaga is on Oprah, today. A true tranny always checks local listings!

Missed Connections 12

The Tranny Times believes in love. Whether it takes you to a Wainscot colonial with a white picket fence or to White Castle after the lights come up at The Mothership, we support men meeting men! As a public service, The Tranny Times trolls Craigslist Missed Connections looking for ads from the love lorn. Each week we collect the best.

Passing a by booty in the mensroom . . .
You looked like you were sticking your butt out to get my attention while you were washing your hands... There was little room to pass as I went to wash my hands...I pretended not to notice. Sr8t guy here, what was I supposed to do? Ok, so I am curious....
. . . puts the bi in bi curious. :

I was with two of my girlfriends on the train, I checked you out i noticed you checked me. I got off at bedford. You spoke to my friend and gave her your number to give to me, but she accidentally erased it!! Id like to hang with ya, hit me up if you get this
Like totally the love of your life on the L train! :

The L train is for DL Lovers, too.
U latin dude riding the L train to Bklyn in the AM hours this morining with one of your boys, think your name is Ramos..Me good looking guy with lady friend checking u out..Want to make contact with U. .Sort of know U live in Canarsie....
What is this "Canarsie" you speak of? :

Because hitting on patrons is tacky . . . nine.nine.six.five
I'm going to encode my basic information on an anonymous website. :

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Must See : "Prodigal Sons"

Critics are calling "Prodigal Sons", a new documentary, stranger than fiction. If the plot was summed up in a tweet, it would read: "Hunky high school quarterback turn New York lesbian filmmaker goes home to reunite w/ handicap adopted bro, biological son of movie stars!" Sensational, no? "Prodigal Sons" explores the universal theme of identity and its effect on the family through an exaggerated relationship between two estranged brothers each coming to terms with who he (or she) is. "Prodigal Sons" hits New York City screens in February and is sure to be a MUST SEE.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Shoes 4

"You can always tell a tranny by her shoes." In "Shoes", TTT gives a stage to the foundation of any fabulous outfit: the boots, loafers, clogs and heels that we all put on each day.
For a second time, a pair of Stubbs has made it into "Shoes". Footwear is the most telling part of a man's wardrobe. These broadcast the sort of irreverent whimsy at home at any cocktail party.

Binge 1 : Nail Care

The gentleman has enjoyed a good manicure for decades. While deemed by many as a feminine service, a well MANicured hand will be noticed by the right people whether it be whist reaching for the pole on a crowded subway or purchasing that Brioni cashmere crewneck at Bergdorfs. For those a little short on time or cash, FACE Stockholm has a great nail strengthener and cuticle softener ($16 each) which are user-friendly and will make a world of difference.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Best for Day 29

Public Television's "Antiques Roadshow" is spicing it up in the 2010 season with a hot new appraiser. Robert Waterhouse is the sexiest Asian arts specialist we've ever seen and with a hot British/Aussie(?) accent and those beautifully fitted suits, he can attach a price tag to our value any day. An appreciation for decorative arts, good looks, a sexy accent and suits that fit: best for day!

Monday, January 11, 2010

Tranny Treks : Palm Beach, Florida

For a century, the town of Palm Beach has been the winter refuge for the rich and fabulous. The island-enclave, and ritzy communities that sprung up around it, play host to a perma-tan leisure class for whom everyday is a cocktail party. Like every seaside paradise, Palm Beach attracts plenty of sharks and pirates. Because of this, much of what PB has to offer goes on behind manicured hedges. Parties, the ones at private homes, aboard yachts, in the shops and galleries along Worth Ave. are key. They occur nightly during the season which begins at Thanksgiving and is over each Easter. The rule for visiting Palm Beach is to have an introduction, bring your blazer and wear a smile.

Let's measure how things in Palm Beach compare to those in Williamsburg:

Saturday Evening Festivities:
11211 - Recovering from Friday's happy hour - turn dinner - turn Boiler Room expedition - turn trick-fest, arrange a Saturday night dinner at your place for six via text and Twitter. By the time a meal fit for Martha, with modifications for vegetarians and glutards, hits the table, it's 10pm and everyone is drunk on red and Grinding away on their iPhones. Forget dinner, drink more, trunk show, car service, on the dancefloor at Sugarland by 1 and in a car home with a tickity-tack trick by 2:30.

33480 - After an afternoon perusing the sales at Saks while avoiding cruisy eye contact from the sales associates, pop home for a workout, shower and cocktail with the fam (yours or your host's) before heading out in uniform (blue blazer, khakis or crisp jeans and loafers) for a night of party hopping. Begin at Ralph Lauren, vodka soda, Shiny Sheet photo, vodka soda, gift bag, door. Motor over to Jungle Road for exotic animal charity event. Pay respect to aging gay establishment, endure ass grabbing with a smile, vodka soda, vodka soda, vodka soda, dinner plans, New York Social Diary photo, door. Table for eight on the patio at McCarty's. Facelifted and belligerent aging gay who's picking up the tab declares "I will not sit in a parking lot!" Relocate indoors. Vodka, vodka, chicken, vodka. Hit the Lounge, survey the fresh meat, remain polite to the old. Wake up at 10 AM, Sunday not quite sure how you got home.

Libation of choice:

11211 - Bloodies at brunch, Pinot Gris for the afternoon, reds at dinner, vodka to maintain

33480 - Bull shot for breakfast, champagne at lunch, manhattan before dinner, vodka to maintain

Tracks on the Dancefloor:
11211 - Kid Kudi, Discovery, Cassius, Lady Gaga remixes, "Meet Me Halfway", Black Eyed Peas

33480 - Ke$sha, Rihanna, Madonna, whatever Daisy Deadpetals brings up from Miami

11211 - An ever-growing influx of boys from far-flung places (Jersey, The Bronx, HK and WV) makes going out in the 'burg more diverse. You're as likely to meet your banker-husband on the stage at Sugar as you are your next disposable trick.

33480 - The men of Palm Beach are a polarized set. Fresh out-of-high school boys and guys visiting home from Princeton, Duke and Penn sip vodka sodas alongside late-in-life homo converts two generations older. Most of the guys in Palm Beach are under 30 or over 60: waiting to begin their careers or having already completed them with much success.

But, the most notable difference . . .
Despite its exclusively WASPy origin, Palm Beach has morphed into an increasingly open society. Still a conservative place and staunchly Republican, there is much socioeconomic co-mingling in the PB. Some of the biggest events of the social season are hosted by GPCs at which WAMRs and millionaires do not self-segregate but party together, and, in many cases, are the very best of friends. For all its supposed exclusivity, Palm Beach is a place that requires only a good pair of shoes and good attitude to enjoy.

(clockwise from top: "Dad, can I take the car?", vintage English cars are PB's answer to the family beater; vintage Versace on a vintage gent; in PB, even the drag queens worship Lilly; PB schoolmates Nathan Galui and Jessica Stevenson. Galui's shop, Mesh, in downtown West Palm will carry Stevenson's Dear Georgette jewelry.)

Friday, January 8, 2010

Best For Day 28

When you think about it, there's nothing more homo than a wedding. Obsessing for months over invitation calligraphy and flower arrangements, dithering over who'll sit next to whom and cramming 8 of your fraternity/secret society buds into 2 Vegas hotel rooms for a long, hormone-fueled weekend of drinking and last minute sex -- the wedding ritual is essentially an Atlantis cruise! That said, one wonders why it took Martha and co. 15 years to include a gay wedding celebration in Martha Stewart Weddings but TTT is pleased to report that they have done so and with taste. Instead of making a commotion about Martha's first gay wedding, the magazine placed the union of Jeremy Hooper and his husband Andrew Shulman alongside other well-done weddings with no mention of it being same-sex. Whether the MSW team feels it was late in joining the gay wedding party or simply has the good taste not to draw attention to itself, gay weddings in Martha Stewart Weddings is a step in the right direction and, best for day! Download a PDF of the piece here.

Shoes 3

"You can always tell a tranny by her shoes." In "Shoes", TTT gives a stage to the foundation of any fabulous outfit: the boots, loafers, clogs and heels that we all put on each day.
When caught between ladies' footwear staples like a camel-on-black spectator pump and the perennial patent ballet flat, a tranny's best move is Gucci's classic horse bit loafer.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Best for Gays!

Mazel! to GPC, MarLo on their recent holiday engagement (party) St. Bart's. We all look forward to the nuptial festivities in the upcoming spring- along with the occasional "walk-by" of the newly acquired WV townhouse on the way to one of the many MJ boutiques...

Monday, January 4, 2010

Spotted @ Warm Climate Vacay Over The Holidays

Tradition holds that all GPCs, PGs and trannies of means scoot it out of the chilly city for points south during the holidays. Tropical vacays are best for (holi)day 09/10 and were in full force this Christmas through New Years.
SPOTTED on holiday vacay . . . Marc Jacobs and lover Lorenzo Martone mixed it up on the beaches of St. Barts with Rachel Zoe and her banker-hubby Rodger Berman as Lindsay Lohan tweeted her resolutions from a yacht deck . . . Miami Beach was invaded by the design set: Oprah's decorating guru Nate Berkus and a gaggle of other international designers spent New Years at the Standard creating a poolside scene described as "a parade of homosexuals" . . . members of that crowd and others crossed the beach for a party at the toney townhouse of John Barman inside the modern Asian Setai residences . . . down the beach on Ocean Drive, designer Roric Tobin kept cozy for the new year at a beachfront condo with boyfriend Justin and friends . . .
Miami Beach was invaded by the Haus of Gaga on New Years Eve. After being heralded as THE place to be for New Years Eve by Perez Hilton, Lady Gaga attracted her "little monsters" and trannies of all stripe to back-to-back shows at the James L. Knight Center and the revamped Fontainebleau . . .