Monday, August 31, 2009

Best For Day 4 : Tranny Checklist

This tranny was out, proud and head-to-toe best for day:

short on the sides, long on the top haircut
horn-rimmed sunglasses
beard
thrift store tee with leisure-pursuit motif
shoulder totebag
iced-coffee
cut-off, belted, coochie-cutters
limited-edition Nikes

WORK!

Just Another Tranny Monday

From the Roundlet Series by Annette Davidek (2002), found at JMZ stations in Brooklyn.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Spotted @ Sugarland

The Mothership was bumpin' last night and it was BOYS BOYS BOYS. In weeks past, the crowd at Sugar has been girl-heavy, oldies-heavy and just sort of off but last night was full of fun . . . and quite a fashion crowd: Spotted . . . menswear designer and Bergdorf-girl, Hooman Pishdad . . . accessories designer Karla Kr├╝ger who specializes in evening bags of exotic skins . . . and Project Runway Season 2 tranny, Daniel Vosovic . . .

Best For Brunch : PS22 Chorus "JUST DANCE"


A lil something to go with your hangover.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

I'M SHAAAREEE!


RHWONY, Jill Zarin, is in mourning: "Bobby! Where is my pinot grigio?!"

Friday, August 28, 2009

Trannies of WalMart

And you thought the 11211 was tranny. Check out the trannies at People of Walmart. Makes you glad you moved out of America doesn't it?
- La Dame

Tranny Vocab Lesson 5: F.O.M.O.

Attention, kiddies - it's time to put on your thinking caps because Tranny Vocab is about to resume. In this series, The Tranny Times explores the varied and wonderful lexicon of Williamsburg trannies. Today's lesson is F.O.M.O.




F.O.M.O. [foh-moh] noun: Fear Of Missing Out. Literally the phobia of missing out on something, anything, from a gift with purchase at Kiehl's to a secret Beyonce appearance at Splash, by not being ready, willing and available.

"Bitch has F.O.M.O. She's out every night watching the door, waiting for her dream top to walk in."

Tranny Vocab Lesson 4: Power Gay

Attention, kiddies - it's time to put on your thinking caps because Tranny Vocab is about to resume. In this series, The Tranny Times explores the varied and wonderful lexicon of Williamsburg trannies. Today's lesson is Power Gay.

Power Gay: [pou-er gey] noun: a best of breed homosexual. Homosexual men who have attained a high level of notoriety and influence within a particular sphere through their own efforts, accident of birth, or a combination of the two.

Power Gays are prominent gay men widely known as a result of their professional accomplishments or fruitful attempts at social success. Power Gays are easily identified by their well maintained anatomy, immaculately groomed visage and precisely edited wardrobe. Power Gays inhabit the West Village, Tribeca and Chelsea and spend time in Provence Town, Los Angeles, Bar Harbor, Palm Beach, Mykonos, London and the Hamptons. Power Gaydom caps out when said Power Gay begins to look more than 50 years old, at which point he transitions into Older Gay.


Examples of New York Power Gays: half of design team Proenza Schouler Lazaro Hernandez, Daniel Benedict and Andrew Saffir of the Tribeca Film Festival, New York Magazine's Chris Rovzar, Peter Davis editor at large for Paper, Peter Bacanovic Martha Stewart's old stockbroker now CEO of Fred Leighton, potter/designer and partner to Simon Doonan's, Jonathan Adler

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Spotted @ on the streets

Star of Bravo's Flipping Out, and Donald Duck's face double, Jeff Lewis screaming into his phone on 51st . . . "socialite" David Chines browsing men's sportswear at Bloomingdales . . . a buttoned-up Alex Catarinella hoofing it on 3rd Ave . . .

Missed Connections 1

The Tranny Times believes in love. Whether it takes you to a Wainscot colonial with a white picket fence or to White Castle after the lights come up at The Mothership, we support men meeting men! As a public service, The Tranny Times trolls Craigslist Missed Connections looking for ads from the love lorn. Each week we collect the best.


Private eyes are watching you:
You're Anthony. We met at Phoenix on Wednesday after extensive eye contact. You were with your long-term roomate. You're a former ESL teacher. I thought there might be a spark there but you were ready to go. Apologies if I'm mistaken. But if I'm not I'd like to get to know you better as there was a reason I was looking at you all evening.
Yo' Anthony! Email this dreamboat now! : pers-zckus-1344621337@craigslist.org

Literate with special shoes:
You were reading a Penguin Classic edition of a Penguin Classic and I was reading too. You are really handsome. We locked eyes a couple of times and I half-smiled with the corner of my mouth. You got off at Greenpoint Ave. You were wearing dark shorts rolled up at the knee and brown deck shoes. Maybe you noticed the color of my sneakers? I'd love to hear about your book.
A date? Maybe somewhere respectable like a library: pers-pgqmu-1342675867@craigslist.org

This one is housetrained!:
You were the tall tattooed dude at the laundromat on South 4th wearing green track pants and flip flops...it was hotter than hell in there and your presence made me nearly combust. I am sure nothing will come of this, but I can't get you off my mind.
Husband material: pers-aadta-1338387124@craigslist.org

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Best For Day 3

Every L-train tranny knows: A snug fit is best for day!
- La Dame

Tranny Treat

No explanation needed. A true trans-magic-tranny no-leak-treatment.
Happy H(b)ump day kiddies!


Thanks Nathan for sending this in!

Tranny Droppings 2

You know you're in NoHo when you see the Adidas store, in Meatpacking when you see the Highline, between the Chrysler and Empire State, you're in midtown and the Hearst Tower means Columbus Circle. Manhattanites know where they are by looking up, way up; Brooklyn boys know where the fun is by following the trail of discarded 20 bags. Brooklyn trannies are plowing through snow like its Feburary in Tahoe; the sidewalk outside the Mothership on a Sunday looks like Time Square on New Years Day: little squares everywhere! Tranny droppings are how any Billyburg Boy Scout can find his way out of the woods and into some trouble!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Best For Day 2

Brooklyn is ideal for domestic trannydom: apartments are larger, streets are shaded and full of families without nannies. It's as white picket fence as it gets without a MetroNorth pass. Williamsburg is where 20-something trannies play house. You can be the daddy, I can play the mama. It's best for day.

FF Fall Fashion '09


Though the heat in the city will persist through September, a tranny-who-lunches is always thinking a season ahead. Kiddies, it's time to pack up your tanks and t's and start shaping your best-for-day fall wardrobe. Some things to keep in mind:

Quality; not quantity:
Go against your size-queen instincts. Bigger is not always better and neither is more for your money. Yes, everyone has seen you in 13 shades of the AA deep v. Enough is enough -- if the budget is tight, think about investing in a few quality versatile pieces that you can mix up and layer. Suit pieces can be worn separately, a nice tweed blazer can take you from your power-bottom-lunch to cocktails at the club after work. Look to invest in things that will last longer than your flavor-of-the-week boyfriend.

Keep it simple:
Any good tranny likes to boost their style with a pop of color, but keep it clean and simple. Play with different textures mixing tropical wools and knits-- layering with your light weight scarves. Avoid mixing prints-- leave that to Wall Street and fashion pros. Nothing says hot-mess tranny like a Barney's retail queen trying to pull-off a Paul Smith stripe with an Etro cravat.

Dress your age:
Come on boys, post college- it is time to start putting your hard earned trust fund where it counts. Every gent past the age of 24 should own good Italian dress shoes (and keep them shined), a well-tailored two button suit, and a suitable winter coat- It would be nice to see tricks from yesteryear in 3/4 length camel-cashmere blend rather than flannel/denim numbers that have taken over our beloved Bedford Ave.

Case in point, I am sick of seeing so much slop and trash walking to the L on Monday morning. Though there are the few who are a day late with the walk of shame home, we need to step it up a notch ladies. Who knows, maybe that boy with the El Beit soy americano will actually notice you in your new Paciotti laceups.


Spotted @ Party in the Fire Island Pines / Party in the USA Miley Cyrus

Well, well, well - look what the Internet dragged in: eight trannies lip syncing a Miley song in the Pines. Bravo, sistas! We're not so sure about the song choice, but we LOVE a little beachside boogaloo!



Party in the Fire Island Pines is directed by David Fudge who also stars in the tranny send up with Colin Stark, Brian Davidson, Justin Garlinghouse, Richard "Jock" Davis, Ryan Slyper, Ted Donath and Tyle Pankratz.

The Mothership Invaded!

As the varsity girls in Manhattan get wind of the fierceness that is Williamsburg, we can expect more midnight cabs from 9th Ave. invading our fair 'burg. Welcome, girls! There's no Marc Jacobs or Starbucks in the 11211, but there are plenty of short-shorts and Chanel to go around! The GOOLies took an east-bound trip to The Mothership this weekend. Haaaaay, trannies! How do you like how we get down?
- La Dame

Monday, August 24, 2009

Tranny Vocab Lesson 3: Sleep-and-Scram

Attention, kiddies - it's time to put on your thinking caps because Tranny Vocab is about to resume. In this series, The Tranny Times explores the varied and wonderful lexicon of Williamsburg trannies. Today's lesson is Sleep-and-Scram.

We all do it, and more-than-likely on a weekly basis. I mean, what else are Saturday nights for?

Sleep-and-scram, [sleep-uhnd-skram] verb: The act of going home with a boy you've never met before and shimmy-ing in the sheets (at your place or his, as long as it's off the L) in a drunken stuper, only to wake-up and take-off as soon as possible - no exchange of numbers, no brunch invites, no plans for the future. Simply put - rub gingies, sleep, wake-up and then skidoots.

"I mean, he came up to me, bought me a drink and then started making out with me - so I went home with him. It was a last-call-booty-call. I woke up and dashed - it was totes a sleep-and-scram."

Binge & Purge: 2

Hola, kitties. Your Associate Tranny here - bringing you your weekly binge and purge guidelines.





BINGE


1. Cuffed Pant-Legs: Take your straight-leg or skinny jeans and give them one quick cuff (read cuff, not f*ck). Not only will it cool your cankles, but if there's a strong enough wind, your lady parts will benefit from the ocean breeze as well.

2. Skippies: Canvas shoes are your new best friend. Not only are they airy, but they are quite versatile as well - something yours truly is desperately trying to become himself. You can dress them up or dress them down, but either way they'll add to your relaxed look. Although they've been around for a while, they're a MUCH better alternative to flip-flops - which will be purged, no doubt, next week.

3. Get 27: I declare this the new post sleep-and-scram hangover cure. Not only does it serve as your Saturday/Sunday morning/mid-afternoon (depending on when you awake from your Sugar(land) induced coma, this hair-of-the-dog also doubles as an alternative to Listerine when you're dashing from your trick's apartment in Bed-Stuy to your brunch date with the gurls. It's much better to show up to your eggs Benediction smelling of mint than vodka and regret. This titillating aperitif has an alcohol content of 27%, so you'll be able to subdue the onslaught of remorse you encountered when you rolled over and saw who you went home with last night.


PURGE

1. Jennifer Aniston: This bitch needs to get over herself right quick. We've finally erased sour-pussed Renee Zellweger from our cranium, but now Jenny A. is taking over the role of 'most annoying woman on film.' Brad left you for a reason. Whether it's your baron ovaries, or your lack of talent, he ran, and ran fast. Word on the street is he beat the world marathon record - all the way into Lips' arms.

2. Ray Ban Wayfarers: I must admit, I am a fan of these classic shades, but Mary Magdalene herself can't even get away with these anymore. It's time to retire the Wayfarers and grasp that last shred of originality. Caveat: If you are outside of Ham-Burg-er land, these MIGHT be an acceptable form of retinal protection. If not, grab your toothbrush, shove it down and purge.

3. Post Sleep-and-Scram Texts: There's a reason your love connection was made as a result of excess amounts of vodka and Chanel. The best sleep-and-scram ends with a polite walk to the door, completely avoiding the number exchange - unless of course you find yourself waking up in Robby P's bed. If that tranny does in fact text you, "I had a great time last night, let's hang out this week," just ignore it. Only store their number if they've provided you with a pre-party trunk show or make your gait all that much wider on your walk-of-shame to brunch.

--Thanks to Nomes and Stache-from-the-past for their contributions to this week's Binge and Purge.
- Lady Longhours

Tranny Vocab Lesson 2 : WAMR

Attention, kiddies - it's time to put on your thinking caps because Tranny Vocab is about to resume. In this series, The Tranny Times explores the varied and wonderful lexicon of Williamsburg trannies. Today's lesson is WAMR.




WAMR
: [wammer] noun: one who works as a waiter, actor, model or in a retail store.
"I hooked up with this guy last weekend but he turned out to be a WAMR, so I'm not going to bother."

WAMRs can be found in all 50 states and in every borough of the great city of New York, but are most populous in the 11211. Prone to self-aggrandizing and living well beyond their means, WAMRs keep odd hours and perform jobs that do not produce interesting dinner party conversation. WAMRs, by definition, are WAMRs for life - one is not a WAMR if he or she is also perusing one of the following: higher-education, an unpaid internship, a book deal or amnesty from a repressive government regime. WAMR is a blanket term that includes personal trainers, masseurs, personal assistants, dog walkers, etc.

The "Queen of Williamsburg"

Bedford Avenue is the world's longest runway. Twenty-four hours a day, 365 days a year, the strip that starts in the shade of the Williamsburg Bridge and runs straight as an arrow to the Turkey's Nest is a never ending parade of trends. Whether it's extra-large aviators paired with short-shorts or an oversized bag on an under-employed art director, it's tranny fashion week EVERY week on Bedford Ave!

One ever-present attendee is Leonora Russo. Dubbed the "Queen of Williamsburg" by Advanced Style blog, you'll recognize this royal as the impeccably dressed lady perched on one of the sidewalk benches that line the avenue. While I know many an L-train tranny is/has been campaigning for the title of Williamsburg Queen for years, Leonora is the reigning regent. After all, it was Coco hereself who said, "Fashion fades, only style remains the same."

Whatever, we just love a kindly gay with a big bag of CHANEL.

You. Better. Work.
- La Dame

Tranny Treks: REHOBOTH BEACH

We are all mostly familiar with the popular summer tranny get-a-way destinations. Both Fire Island and P-Town each present their own tranny versions the usual blend of Chelsea fags and 11211ers - Summer transplants, if you will.













This past weekend, in the height of the summer heat, a few of us made our way to an unexpected homo-oasis hours closer than P-Town.

Rehoboth Beach, DE, also known as "Rehomo," turned out to be a breath of fresh hipsterless air. These boys are the old-fashioned gay.

Brief observations provided by zip code below:

Saturday evening costume:
11211- Faded black skinnies/cut-shorties (check last week's Binge and Purge), boat shoes, and an obnoxiously low-cut tank - accessorized with a graphic tote/fake ray-bans.

19971- College t-shirt/abercromie polo, cargo shorts, flip-flops - best accessory for evening: tan (fake of real) and Aqua di Gio eau de toilette.

Libation of choice:
11211- Miller High Life (note: the high necked bottle prevents spillage on the dance floor) and a 20 bag

19971- Rum and diet

Tracks on the dance floor:
11211- Any/everything Ga

19971- Old school Whitney/trance remixes from 2004


After Party:

11211- (a) pizza on Beford, (b) gypsy cab to Bushwick with your trick or (c) desperately trying to stay wake for a response to you 4am Craigslist posting


19971- seeing as how last call is at 1am(!), the evening should just be getting started. Popular destinations seemed to be (a) late night hookup on the beach (beware of police who patrol with flashlights), (b) [this will take further investigation]

But, the most noticable difference.........

19971- far fewer WAMRs






Spotted @ Metropolitan Sunday-Afternoon Barbecue

The barbecue at Metropolitan on Lorimer Street was it's usual tranny-treat yesterday. Boys and girls from all corners of the 'burg descended to imbibe $8 pitchers of Bud and chow down on free hot dogs and hamburgers. The BBQ at Metro has become quite the scene these past few summers: the number of non-'burgers dropping in has transformed Metro from neighborhood hang-out to Sunday destination. Trannies agree, summer Sundays at Metro > Sunday tea at the Blue Whale + the Sunday party at Garden of Ono. Faces in the crowd . . . wave-making NY-designer Prabal Gurung . . . Tuesday's GLAAD Summer Series host Matthew Maddox . . . a deeply-ginged GOOLIE Adam Shapiro . . . Park Avenue Peerage girls' favorite accessory Luigi Tadini . . .

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Tranny Droppings 1

Drip-drop! It's raining, it's pouring, the old man is snorting!

It's always refreshing on a Saturday morning - ehh, mid-afternoon - to make a left onto Bedford and plainly see someone had more fun than you did last night.

Tranny droppings, everywhere!


- Lady Longhours

Saturday, August 22, 2009

See you at The Mothership


It's Saturday night, ladies, and you know what that means: Sugarland! Remember, you're best in Chanel, and generosity rules at this trunk show. Real Housewives of Atlanta's head tranny, Kim Zolciak, has some words for you this evening.


Tardy For The Party (Mix) - Kim Zolciak

Tranny Vocab Lesson 1 : Get Over Yourself


Attention, kiddies - it's time to put on your thinking caps because Tranny Vocab is about to begin. In this series, The Tranny Times explores the varied and wonderful lexicon of Williamsburg trannies. Today's lesson is Get Over Yourself.


Get over yourself. is a term most often said by exasperated trannies who are mad about something but not sure what so they put it all on you. Get over yourself. provokes many existential questions in the thinking tranny's mind: Who is 'your', and what should 'your' be over? You? I hope so!

Let's explore the possible meanings behind Get over yourself:

1) Get Over Yourself: What is said to someone who takes themselves a bit too seriously and is one snotty way to tell someone "chill out already".

2) Get Over Yourself: Patronizing phrase used to tell someone that you believe they hold too high an opinion of themselves, or are behaving in a conceited or pompous manner.

3) Get Over Yourself: a phrase little pussies use when they can't win an argument with a real counterpoint.

4) Get Over Yourself: If you're the one saying it you're JEALOUS.

Choose your own adventure when it comes to interpreting the meaning behind Get over yourself. but remember, it says far more about the person saying it than it does the intended audience.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Transpiration: Diamond Rings

Our neighbors to the north have tranny down to a science; it was the land of the mounted police that gave rise to The Kids in the Hall, a pre-pubes Ryan Reynolds and the Celine/Shania monster. The latest example of Canada's transpertise is The Diamond Rings. This little Canuck is doing tranny in ways only an L-train rider can truly appreesh - with fierce eye shadow, acid-washed denim and ironic basketball jerseys. Also, he makes music.


Trannies with iPhones

Gurl, you go! You got off the Tracfone, passed AT&T's credit check and bought yourself an information package: YOU BETTA' WERQ that iPhone! Whether sauntering down Bedford on a steamy Sunday in your deep-V, taking advantage of reception between the Marcy and Delancy stops on the JMZ or busting it out in the bathroom at The Mothership to snort a quick line of Chanel off it: that iPhone is your outward badge of having MADE IT in the BIG CITY! You Go! You WERQ! You CHAT, You TEXT, You TWEET and you are NEVA' discreet. But Trannies, ENOUGH with using the i as a cute prop; it's a phone not a puppy or child!

Check out Guys with iPhones here.

For you white collar trannies, this shit is Not Safe For Work!

- La Dame

Thursday, August 20, 2009

T4T


(619): you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog

Gaga for Gaga

While the nation is climbing out of the recession-- yes, I realize that the many "artists" and trannies meandering around Bedford drinking $5 coffees and grabbing the latest tank at Oak haven’t felt much of a blip in their wallets (other than the few who had to leave the ultra-lux pad daddy was shelling out for), it is nice to see Marc and Co. are back on the up and up. Clearly the best collaboration for the upcoming Fall Fashion Week: Ga and Marc! Let's just hope this doesn’t put a hiccup in the Kanye/Ga tour...

http://nymag.com/daily/fashion/2009/08/marc_jacobs_brings_back_the_af.html

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Best For Day 1

Steve Levin is running to represent the 33rd district in the New York City Council. If this pocket Hasid isn't the cutest little jew on the block, I dunno who is! A true tranny knows the hot ones get stuff done; on September 15th, vote with your disco stick. Steven Levin truly is best for day.

More of our darling Steve here.

i die. bowtie.

Now we know that trannies find joy in attempting to be ironic, but it has gone too far with the bowtie. Most of these boys have trouble finding jeans that fit and a clean American Apparel T, let alone knowing how to even tie their own cravats! Unless you are working as a cater-waiter at your fag-hags wedding or trekking it to Westchester for your grandtranny's 80th birthday, lets leave the bowtie to professional dandies and fops. Or at least people who have to take the L to work in the morning.

"To its devotees the bow tie suggests iconoclasm of an Old World sort, a fusty adherence to a contrarian point of view. The bow tie hints at intellectualism, real or feigned, and sometimes suggests technical acumen, perhaps because it is so hard to tie. Bow ties are worn by magicians, country doctors, lawyers and professors and by people hoping to look like the above. But perhaps most of all, wearing a bow tie is a way of broadcasting an aggressive lack of concern for what other people think."

—Warren St John, The New York Times

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Gucci Pre-Fall 09/10 Promotional Video


The promo video for Gucci pre-fall 09/10 is perfect. The sleek set, smart/sexy music and camera's lingering eye on Anja Rubik; it's not Tom Ford but it is ALL TOM FORD.

Binge & Purge: 1


The following post marks the first of our once-a-week binge and purge advice columns. Soak it up, Kitty-Kats!

Binge on the below and for God's sake, please purge the latter block of resentment. Reign it in, trannies. Regin it in.

BINGE
1. Prosecco: Get drunk in broad daylight while still staying/appearing classy. This bubbly elixir is right up there next to Jesus, and it won't set you back too far. You may or may not find yourself going through a bottle, or twelve, in McCarren park or your own personal tar beach. B-Burg prices range from $8 to $22 (Mionetto, a personal favorite at around $14 we refer to as the "poor man's Veuve" with a surprisingly similar yellow label).

2. Deodorant: Come on, Brooklynites. Just because you LOOK like a hipster doesn't mean you have to SMELL like one. There is no reason the L train needs to be a vacuum of body odor. Nothing says purge like the ripe smell of your pits as you reach over me to grab the ceiling handle on the train, so please do binge on Right Guard.

3. Short-shorts: Who needs marriage equality when you can get away with short-shorts anytime, anyplace? The mustache was a hit last year, easing in the seamless segway of the male short-short. Dust off your ThighMasters and practice your Kiegels, trannies. This is is definitely the fad-train yelling, "All aboard!"

4. Bush: Long gone are the Bel Ami twink-obsessed days of yesteryear. Although we're glad Dubbya is out of our lives, we've finally come to appreciate the one bush we'd like to stick around: pubes. Save your Mach 3 for your face, boys. Embrace the bush. No one wants to go downtown only to discover that your trick has a freshly shaved man-zone.

PURGE
1. White Zinfandel: There's a reason you never find this on a menu. I don't even think they carry it at Crapplebees. There are much better cheap, sweet wines that will allow you to keep a few shreds of your dignity. Stop bleeding the bag and embrace a nice Rose' or Sauvignon Blanc.

2. Mustaches: Although yours truly was once a victim of the mustache-revival, it's time to get rid of the porn stache. Yes, you can still offer free rides, just think of something else you can allude to riding when you pursue that boy that only looks attractive in the dim, neon-colored lights of Sugarland.

3. Subway PDA: No one wants to see you and your rat-tail haircut making out with your leopard-print leotard leggings girlfriend on the L. No matter how high you are, everyone still notices, and loathes you for it. Save it for your trust-fund fueled industrial loft adjacent to the park. I mean, you can still make out in front of your floor-to-ceiling windows. At least that gives us fellow B-Burgers the opportunity to walk away. Just. Walk. Away

4. Last call booty-call: Since again, yours truly has taken many for the team on this front, I bid you a piece of advice. No matter how cute he looks in the sweaty post-Sugarland glow, when they turn the lights on, don't scramble-to-settle. I can tell you from my experience the last two weekends that that boy you go home with because there is no one else is never worth it. It just leads to a morning of resentment, guilt and pre-metro sunday afternoon drinking to mask your insecurities. Please, cue the prosecco.